1
00:00:02,602 --> 00:00:04,469
[♪]

2
00:00:15,615 --> 00:00:17,816
♪ love and marriage ♪

3
00:00:17,817 --> 00:00:20,018
♪ love and marriage ♪

4
00:00:20,019 --> 00:00:24,388
♪ go together like
a horse and carriage ♪

5
00:00:24,389 --> 00:00:28,326
♪ this I tell ya, brother  ♪

6
00:00:28,327 --> 00:00:33,031
♪ you can't have one
without the other ♪

7
00:00:33,032 --> 00:00:35,233
♪ love and marriage ♪

8
00:00:35,234 --> 00:00:38,402
♪ love and marriage ♪

9
00:00:38,403 --> 00:00:42,340
♪ it's an institute
you can't disparage ♪

10
00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:46,645
♪ ask the local gentry ♪

11
00:00:46,646 --> 00:00:51,082
♪ and they will say
it's elementary ♪

12
00:00:51,083 --> 00:00:55,954
♪ try, try, try
to separate them ♪

13
00:00:55,955 --> 00:00:59,691
♪ it's an illusion ♪

14
00:00:59,692 --> 00:01:06,364
♪ try, try, try
and you will only come ♪

15
00:01:06,365 --> 00:01:08,232
♪ to this conclusion ♪

16
00:01:08,233 --> 00:01:10,234
♪ love and marriage ♪

17
00:01:17,710 --> 00:01:20,378
What's the matter, kel?

18
00:01:20,379 --> 00:01:22,747
Are the contractions
five minutes apart?

19
00:01:22,748 --> 00:01:24,382
What's the matter, bud?

20
00:01:24,383 --> 00:01:27,085
Puberty five years away?

21
00:01:27,086 --> 00:01:29,087
Come on, kel.
We're blood.

22
00:01:29,088 --> 00:01:31,089
If you've got a problem,
maybe I can help.

23
00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:33,925
Well, mom and dad are
at parent/teacher night,

24
00:01:33,926 --> 00:01:35,426
And I'm scared.

25
00:01:35,427 --> 00:01:39,197
You know, mom and dad
make me sick.

26
00:01:39,198 --> 00:01:41,866
When are they going to
realize you're stupid

27
00:01:41,867 --> 00:01:43,768
And leave you alone?

28
00:01:45,537 --> 00:01:48,539
Yuk it up, malignancy.

29
00:01:48,540 --> 00:01:50,541
No, I've got to
start doing better.

30
00:01:50,542 --> 00:01:52,043
I've got this
book report due,

31
00:01:52,044 --> 00:01:54,045
And I haven't even
read the book.

32
00:01:54,046 --> 00:01:55,714
It's called
<i>robinson crusoe.</i>

33
00:01:55,715 --> 00:01:57,215
Oh, I've read that.

34
00:01:57,216 --> 00:01:58,717
I can help you...

35
00:01:58,718 --> 00:02:00,985
For a small fee,
of course.

36
00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:05,223
Okay.

37
00:02:05,224 --> 00:02:08,727
Robinson crusoe was
marooned on a desert island.

38
00:02:08,728 --> 00:02:12,563
The only people there
were him, Friday,

39
00:02:12,564 --> 00:02:17,736
The professor,
mary ann, ginger...

40
00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:19,270
And the rest.

41
00:02:19,271 --> 00:02:20,271
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

42
00:02:20,272 --> 00:02:21,272
Slow down. Slow down.

43
00:02:21,273 --> 00:02:22,473
The professor...

44
00:02:24,910 --> 00:02:26,410
Right.

45
00:02:26,411 --> 00:02:28,279
Now, in the
first chapter,

46
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:31,249
They had to get
around the island.

47
00:02:31,250 --> 00:02:32,751
So gilligan--
I mean robinson

48
00:02:32,752 --> 00:02:34,753
And the professor
built a car

49
00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:36,020
That ran on coconuts.

50
00:02:36,021 --> 00:02:37,922
Oh, cool.

51
00:02:42,361 --> 00:02:43,628
You know,

52
00:02:43,629 --> 00:02:46,030
Robinson always sang
this little song

53
00:02:46,031 --> 00:02:47,531
Around the island.

54
00:02:47,532 --> 00:02:52,036
You may want to do it
in front of the class.

55
00:02:52,037 --> 00:02:54,538
It shows
you read carefully.

56
00:02:54,539 --> 00:02:57,541
♪ just sit right back
and you'll hear a tale ♪

57
00:02:57,542 --> 00:03:00,711
♪ a tale
of a fateful trip ♪

58
00:03:00,712 --> 00:03:02,713
♪ that started
from this tropic port ♪

59
00:03:02,714 --> 00:03:06,550
♪ aboard
this tiny ship ♪

60
00:03:06,551 --> 00:03:08,887
♪ the mate-- ♪
now, that's robinson--

61
00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:10,688
♪ was a mighty
sailing man ♪

62
00:03:10,689 --> 00:03:12,223
♪ the skipper
brave and sure ♪

63
00:03:12,224 --> 00:03:14,392
♪ five passengers
set sail that day ♪

64
00:03:14,393 --> 00:03:16,094
♪ for a three-hour tour ♪

65
00:03:16,095 --> 00:03:18,897
♪ a three-hour tour ♪

66
00:03:18,898 --> 00:03:20,131
Twice?

67
00:03:22,802 --> 00:03:24,202
It's important.

68
00:03:25,938 --> 00:03:27,005
[car approaching]

69
00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:28,372
That's mom and dad.

70
00:03:28,373 --> 00:03:29,573
Come on,
we'll finish this later.

71
00:03:29,574 --> 00:03:31,176
Tell them that
I'm upstairs

72
00:03:31,177 --> 00:03:32,743
Working really hard
on my report.

73
00:03:32,744 --> 00:03:35,213
I'm finally going to get an a!

74
00:03:36,615 --> 00:03:38,349
Hi, mom.
Hi, dad.

75
00:03:38,350 --> 00:03:39,383
Kelly said she's upstairs

76
00:03:39,384 --> 00:03:41,519
Listening to the radio
and dancing.

77
00:03:44,356 --> 00:03:46,224
Ooh, you two
look pretty mad.

78
00:03:46,225 --> 00:03:47,525
But in kelly's defense,

79
00:03:47,526 --> 00:03:49,360
Wait till after she's turned in
her book report.

80
00:03:49,361 --> 00:03:50,862
We owe her that much.

81
00:03:50,863 --> 00:03:53,397
Kelly is not
the problem, bud.

82
00:03:53,398 --> 00:03:57,735
She has moved up
to a good, solid d.

83
00:03:57,736 --> 00:03:59,737
Now, you're the one
who's in trouble.

84
00:03:59,738 --> 00:04:02,240
We went to your school and saw
your social studies report,

85
00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:06,410
You know, "brazil, land
of rubber and sunshine."

86
00:04:06,411 --> 00:04:08,346
Would you care to explain

87
00:04:08,347 --> 00:04:10,414
This picture of your sister
in a bikini?

88
00:04:13,552 --> 00:04:16,420
Well, it illustrates
the easy sex in brazil.

89
00:04:16,421 --> 00:04:18,522
So how did I do?

90
00:04:18,523 --> 00:04:21,159
Like your father,
in life, you failed.

91
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:22,994
Now, bud,

92
00:04:22,995 --> 00:04:25,563
I want you to go upstairs,
and do not come back down

93
00:04:25,564 --> 00:04:28,933
Until you figure out something
else to do with your time

94
00:04:28,934 --> 00:04:30,401
Besides torturing
your sister.

95
00:04:30,402 --> 00:04:33,437
Why don't you just ask me
to stop breathing?

96
00:04:33,438 --> 00:04:36,440
It's what I am.
It's what I do.

97
00:04:36,441 --> 00:04:38,542
I tell you what, I'll help kelly
with her homework.

98
00:04:38,543 --> 00:04:39,777
Good boy.

99
00:04:39,778 --> 00:04:43,614
[humming
<i>gilligan's island</i> theme]

100
00:04:44,783 --> 00:04:46,217
You know, al,

101
00:04:46,218 --> 00:04:47,818
I think I know
what the problem is.

102
00:04:47,819 --> 00:04:49,220
He just has
too much free time.

103
00:04:49,221 --> 00:04:51,722
Now, what can we do
about that?

104
00:04:51,723 --> 00:04:56,194
Well, we could
get him a wife.

105
00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:58,396
I meant
like a hobby--

106
00:04:58,397 --> 00:04:59,898
You know,
a father/son thing,

107
00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:02,400
Something he could
learn from you.

108
00:05:02,401 --> 00:05:06,570
Let's see.
You can't teach balding.

109
00:05:06,571 --> 00:05:09,073
He already knows how to go
to the bathroom,

110
00:05:09,074 --> 00:05:11,542
And he's too young
to drink.

111
00:05:11,543 --> 00:05:13,611
Gee, peg, if you
wanted a hug,

112
00:05:13,612 --> 00:05:15,479
Why didn't you
just ask for one?

113
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,249
[doorbell rings]

114
00:05:18,250 --> 00:05:21,252
It's us,
steve and marcie.

115
00:05:21,253 --> 00:05:22,787
Hurry!
It's important.

116
00:05:31,964 --> 00:05:34,465
Excuse me, sir.
Do you know these people?

117
00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:36,968
No.

118
00:05:36,969 --> 00:05:37,969
Al!

119
00:05:37,970 --> 00:05:39,037
Please.

120
00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:41,505
We picked them up
for soliciting

121
00:05:41,506 --> 00:05:43,007
At joe's
cocktail lounge.

122
00:05:43,008 --> 00:05:44,508
I told you, officer,

123
00:05:44,509 --> 00:05:46,444
We were
just role-playing

124
00:05:46,445 --> 00:05:48,446
To spice up
our marriage.

125
00:05:48,447 --> 00:05:51,349
We lost our id when we
were running from you.

126
00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:54,085
It's all a big mistake.
Tell him who we are, al.

127
00:05:54,086 --> 00:05:58,122
Yeah, it's the neighbors--
the hooker and the sailor.

128
00:05:59,291 --> 00:06:00,624
I see.

129
00:06:00,625 --> 00:06:03,627
Just a little
yuppie game play, huh?

130
00:06:03,628 --> 00:06:08,132
Well, let me tell you
something about police.

131
00:06:08,133 --> 00:06:10,134
We don't like it
when you jerk us around.

132
00:06:10,135 --> 00:06:13,137
I could be out there
scaring kids

133
00:06:13,138 --> 00:06:15,639
Or driving
with the siren on.

134
00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:19,143
So next time you want to put
some fun in your marriage,

135
00:06:19,144 --> 00:06:21,579
Do what me and my wife do--

136
00:06:21,580 --> 00:06:23,114
Cheat on each other.

137
00:06:24,683 --> 00:06:27,352
Oh, marcie,
that's a nice outfit.

138
00:06:27,353 --> 00:06:28,853
Can I borrow it?

139
00:06:28,854 --> 00:06:31,089
I have a wedding to go to.

140
00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:33,324
May I use your phone?
I have to call a locksmith.

141
00:06:33,325 --> 00:06:35,593
I lost our keys
when steve knocked me over

142
00:06:35,594 --> 00:06:38,463
Running from
the squad car.

143
00:06:39,598 --> 00:06:42,800
So, what's new
with you guys?

144
00:06:42,801 --> 00:06:45,236
Well, we were just trying
to figure out a hobby for bud,

145
00:06:45,237 --> 00:06:47,205
You know, to keep him
out of trouble...

146
00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:49,040
Something
he could do with al.

147
00:06:49,041 --> 00:06:50,274
Well, you guys

148
00:06:50,275 --> 00:06:52,043
Could come over together
in the morning

149
00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:53,444
And steal my paper.

150
00:06:53,445 --> 00:06:55,846
No, my mornings
are for me.

151
00:06:55,847 --> 00:06:58,416
How about flying or polo?

152
00:06:58,417 --> 00:06:59,917
How about collecting
original picassos?

153
00:06:59,918 --> 00:07:01,419
Hell, I make minimum wage.

154
00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:04,155
We can start with one
of his bad ones.

155
00:07:04,156 --> 00:07:06,724
They'll be over
in an hour.

156
00:07:06,725 --> 00:07:09,327
I'm sure
it will just fly by.

157
00:07:09,328 --> 00:07:10,361
You know, a hobby

158
00:07:10,362 --> 00:07:11,529
Doesn't have
to be expensive.

159
00:07:11,530 --> 00:07:12,930
As a kid, I collected
baseball cards.

160
00:07:12,931 --> 00:07:14,065
You too?

161
00:07:14,066 --> 00:07:16,067
Yeah, I had
some great ones,

162
00:07:16,068 --> 00:07:18,569
But my mother
threw them all out.

163
00:07:18,570 --> 00:07:20,338
Yep. Mine too.

164
00:07:20,339 --> 00:07:21,305
Women.
Women.

165
00:07:23,008 --> 00:07:25,476
Greatest hobby in the world,
and women just don't get it.

166
00:07:25,477 --> 00:07:30,214
No, al, what I just
don't get is sex.

167
00:07:30,215 --> 00:07:32,683
That's going to be
bud's new hobby.

168
00:07:32,684 --> 00:07:34,252
Sex?

169
00:07:34,253 --> 00:07:35,753
No, baseball cards.

170
00:07:35,754 --> 00:07:37,522
Bud, come down here.

171
00:07:37,523 --> 00:07:40,525
Why don't you find bud
something more cultural

172
00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:42,026
And intellectually
stimulating?

173
00:07:42,027 --> 00:07:43,528
Marcie, they're men.

174
00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:45,530
To them, something
intellectually stimulating

175
00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:48,466
Is comparing
today's elmer fudd

176
00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:50,468
With the original,
fatter fudd.

177
00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:55,573
Hey, he has lost weight,
hasn't he, steve?

178
00:07:57,242 --> 00:07:59,643
It's like a totally
different fudd, al.

179
00:07:59,644 --> 00:08:02,580
Let's get some coffee,
marce.

180
00:08:02,581 --> 00:08:04,782
What's up, dad?

181
00:08:04,783 --> 00:08:07,885
Bud, I want to talk to you
about your new hobby.

182
00:08:07,886 --> 00:08:09,554
What's my new hobby, dad?

183
00:08:09,555 --> 00:08:11,055
Collecting
baseball cards.

184
00:08:11,056 --> 00:08:14,058
How long have I had
this new hobby, dad?

185
00:08:14,059 --> 00:08:15,560
About two
minutes, son.

186
00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:16,927
Do I like it?

187
00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:19,763
But you know
something, bud?

188
00:08:19,764 --> 00:08:22,032
The players today
are kind of boring.

189
00:08:22,033 --> 00:08:25,035
When al and I were young,
they were great.

190
00:08:25,036 --> 00:08:27,205
Yeah, and see, that's what
you're going to do, bud.

191
00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:28,573
You're going to
collect cards

192
00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:30,141
From when we and steve
were kids.

193
00:08:30,142 --> 00:08:31,709
You are going
to collect

194
00:08:31,710 --> 00:08:36,947
The all-time greatest
cub team ever.

195
00:08:36,948 --> 00:08:38,782
Oh, man.

196
00:08:40,752 --> 00:08:45,089
Look at them over there.
Men are such idiots,

197
00:08:45,090 --> 00:08:48,959
And I married
their king.

198
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,595
Baseball cards.

199
00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:52,563
I mean, what is
the big deal, anyway?

200
00:08:52,564 --> 00:08:55,133
It's just a bunch of guys
holding their bats.

201
00:08:55,134 --> 00:08:56,601
They ought to show
pictures of them

202
00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:57,935
The way they really are--

203
00:08:57,936 --> 00:09:00,271
Grabbing their privates,
spitting,

204
00:09:00,272 --> 00:09:02,106
And patting
each other on the butt

205
00:09:02,107 --> 00:09:03,407
For "good luck."

206
00:09:06,178 --> 00:09:07,811
I hate baseball.

207
00:09:07,812 --> 00:09:10,814
All the boys at school
loved baseball.

208
00:09:10,815 --> 00:09:12,816
I can still
hear them talking--

209
00:09:12,817 --> 00:09:14,318
"baseball,
baseball, baseball.

210
00:09:14,319 --> 00:09:16,820
"gee, there's marcie.
Let's throw a rock at her.

211
00:09:16,821 --> 00:09:18,322
Baseball,
baseball, baseball."

212
00:09:18,323 --> 00:09:19,823
I hate men.

213
00:09:19,824 --> 00:09:21,325
They're stupid,
ignorant animals

214
00:09:21,326 --> 00:09:23,060
With stupid,
ignorant hobbies.

215
00:09:23,061 --> 00:09:24,562
They hated me...

216
00:09:24,563 --> 00:09:26,564
But I didn't
need them.

217
00:09:26,565 --> 00:09:27,931
I had barbie.

218
00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:35,439
And I had a very special
bathtub toy.

219
00:09:39,244 --> 00:09:41,312
Who's barbie?

220
00:09:41,313 --> 00:09:43,147
Who's barbie?

221
00:09:43,148 --> 00:09:45,716
America's favorite
teenage fashion model,

222
00:09:45,717 --> 00:09:47,117
That's who.

223
00:09:47,118 --> 00:09:49,420
Oh, you mean
a barbie doll.

224
00:09:49,421 --> 00:09:51,422
Yeah, I had one of those.

225
00:09:51,423 --> 00:09:53,924
I gave it
to my boyfriend keith

226
00:09:53,925 --> 00:09:56,427
As a symbol
of our love.

227
00:09:56,428 --> 00:09:58,762
He was gay
as a debutante, you know?

228
00:09:58,763 --> 00:10:00,864
I still have
my barbie.

229
00:10:00,865 --> 00:10:02,600
She's been wrapped up
safe and sound

230
00:10:02,601 --> 00:10:05,169
In her original box
for 20 years now,

231
00:10:05,170 --> 00:10:06,470
Just waiting for the day

232
00:10:06,471 --> 00:10:08,506
When I can pass her on
to my little girl.

233
00:10:08,507 --> 00:10:10,874
Kelly had a bunch
of that barbie stuff,

234
00:10:10,875 --> 00:10:12,876
But to tell you the truth,
I never understood

235
00:10:12,877 --> 00:10:14,412
The fascination
with barbie.

236
00:10:14,413 --> 00:10:16,980
But I could sure
strip ken with my teeth.

237
00:10:20,285 --> 00:10:23,221
Yes, I'm sure.

238
00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:24,955
But I loved barbie.

239
00:10:24,956 --> 00:10:26,457
It was a way to escape.

240
00:10:26,458 --> 00:10:29,460
The whole idea was for
barbie to live the life

241
00:10:29,461 --> 00:10:30,828
You wanted
for yourself.

242
00:10:38,537 --> 00:10:41,038
You know,
this really is fun.

243
00:10:41,039 --> 00:10:42,640
Hey, is there
such a thing

244
00:10:42,641 --> 00:10:44,041
As an old,
rich ken doll

245
00:10:44,042 --> 00:10:46,677
That's about
to kick the bucket?

246
00:10:46,678 --> 00:10:50,180
That way my barbie wouldn't
have to hide these kens

247
00:10:50,181 --> 00:10:51,482
At 5:00

248
00:10:51,483 --> 00:10:54,218
When the al doll comes
home from the shoe store.

249
00:10:54,219 --> 00:10:57,221
Barbie was meant to be
dressed beautifully

250
00:10:57,222 --> 00:10:58,723
And properly
accessorized,

251
00:10:58,724 --> 00:11:00,157
Not to be lying around

252
00:11:00,158 --> 00:11:02,493
Rubbed by a bunch
of horny kens.

253
00:11:04,663 --> 00:11:06,664
Well, you've got
your accessories,

254
00:11:06,665 --> 00:11:10,100
And I've got mine.

255
00:11:10,101 --> 00:11:11,435
Hey, let's go downstairs

256
00:11:11,436 --> 00:11:14,104
And see what else of kelly's
we can play with.

257
00:11:14,105 --> 00:11:15,205
Okay.

258
00:11:15,206 --> 00:11:17,107
And after we disinfect
your barbie dream house,

259
00:11:17,108 --> 00:11:18,609
I'll get out my barbie.

260
00:11:18,610 --> 00:11:20,478
I hope your kens
can handle it.

261
00:11:22,514 --> 00:11:23,547
I can't believe it.

262
00:11:23,548 --> 00:11:25,449
Those old cards
are really expensive,

263
00:11:25,450 --> 00:11:27,285
But I sold everything
I could...

264
00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:29,453
But we got seven
of the nine all-time cubs.

265
00:11:29,454 --> 00:11:31,455
What a great
store, huh?

266
00:11:31,456 --> 00:11:32,956
And a great
afternoon.

267
00:11:32,957 --> 00:11:35,192
Think we should have
taken bud with us?

268
00:11:35,193 --> 00:11:37,795
Why? He'd only
get in the way.

269
00:11:37,796 --> 00:11:39,330
Yeah, you're right.

270
00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:43,301
Now, all he needs is
ken hubbs and ernie banks,

271
00:11:43,302 --> 00:11:44,802
And they're
pretty expensive.

272
00:11:44,803 --> 00:11:47,805
Great move, you selling
your wife's old doll.

273
00:11:47,806 --> 00:11:49,807
What, the old barbie
in the basement?

274
00:11:49,808 --> 00:11:51,208
She'll never even
miss it.

275
00:11:56,515 --> 00:11:58,316
Bud, here's
the crowning jewel

276
00:11:58,317 --> 00:11:59,817
Of your collection.

277
00:11:59,818 --> 00:12:01,084
I just got it.

278
00:12:01,085 --> 00:12:02,286
Don't touch it!

279
00:12:02,287 --> 00:12:04,655
Now, all you need
is ernie banks.

280
00:12:04,656 --> 00:12:06,657
I'm proud
of you, son.

281
00:12:06,658 --> 00:12:09,593
Well, I'm proud
of you too, dad.

282
00:12:09,594 --> 00:12:11,629
You men
are such children.

283
00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:15,165
Now, where's
barbie's pumps?

284
00:12:15,166 --> 00:12:18,469
I guess I'm the man
of the house now, eh, folks?

285
00:12:20,572 --> 00:12:24,241
Bud, I am going
to kill you.

286
00:12:24,242 --> 00:12:26,644
Oh, yeah, today
was book report day.

287
00:12:28,947 --> 00:12:30,214
How'd you do, kel?

288
00:12:30,215 --> 00:12:31,716
How did I do?

289
00:12:31,717 --> 00:12:34,652
I had a meeting
with the principal,

290
00:12:34,653 --> 00:12:36,153
A three-hour meeting.

291
00:12:36,154 --> 00:12:37,822
A three-hour
meeting.

292
00:12:43,061 --> 00:12:46,063
You see, bud,
you innocently mixed up

293
00:12:46,064 --> 00:12:49,066
<i>Robinson crusoe</i>
and <i>gilligan's island.</i>

294
00:12:49,067 --> 00:12:50,568
I told them that,

295
00:12:50,569 --> 00:12:53,070
But the principal
didn't believe me.

296
00:12:53,071 --> 00:12:54,472
He just said,

297
00:12:54,473 --> 00:12:57,074
"even you, miss bundy,
are not that stupid."

298
00:12:58,243 --> 00:13:02,580
But he was wrong,
wasn't he, kel?

299
00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:05,215
Well, to make
a long story short,

300
00:13:05,216 --> 00:13:06,717
I'm a laughingstock,

301
00:13:06,718 --> 00:13:08,018
You are
going to die,

302
00:13:08,019 --> 00:13:10,588
And I'm suspended
until I do a report

303
00:13:10,589 --> 00:13:12,456
On all the work
of some guy named poe.

304
00:13:12,457 --> 00:13:15,259
You mean like
"the tell-tale heart"?

305
00:13:15,260 --> 00:13:16,627
Yeah.

306
00:13:16,628 --> 00:13:19,096
You really
know that one?

307
00:13:19,097 --> 00:13:22,132
Well, sure.
It's the one with cousin itt.

308
00:13:24,235 --> 00:13:25,736
Really?

309
00:13:25,737 --> 00:13:27,271
Yeah, come on.

310
00:13:27,272 --> 00:13:29,407
I'll tell you
all about it.

311
00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:32,376
There really is
a song in this one.

312
00:13:32,377 --> 00:13:36,781
[singing <i>the addams family</i>
theme song]

313
00:13:38,617 --> 00:13:40,851
She may not graduate.
You know that, peg?

314
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,555
Steve, we've been robbed!

315
00:13:44,556 --> 00:13:46,490
They took my barbie!

316
00:13:46,491 --> 00:13:48,459
Not the one you were saving
to give your daughter.

317
00:13:50,061 --> 00:13:52,730
And it was someone we know.
They went right for her.

318
00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:54,231
Steve, find them.

319
00:13:54,232 --> 00:13:56,434
Find them
and kill them.

320
00:13:56,435 --> 00:13:58,135
No, don't kill them.

321
00:13:58,136 --> 00:13:59,637
Bring them to me.

322
00:13:59,638 --> 00:14:01,772
I'll kill them.

323
00:14:01,773 --> 00:14:03,273
But not at first.

324
00:14:03,274 --> 00:14:05,275
First
I'll take a hammer

325
00:14:05,276 --> 00:14:08,278
And smash their toes,
little to big.

326
00:14:08,279 --> 00:14:12,616
Then, if it was a man--
and I know it was a man--

327
00:14:12,617 --> 00:14:16,587
I'll turn
the hammer around.

328
00:14:20,124 --> 00:14:21,291
Al...

329
00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:25,496
Steve, get the cops.

330
00:14:25,497 --> 00:14:26,764
Show them this.

331
00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:28,198
I dug up
this picture of her.

332
00:14:28,199 --> 00:14:32,336
It was taken the night
of her first date with ken.

333
00:14:32,337 --> 00:14:34,772
Marcie, why don't you
come upstairs,

334
00:14:34,773 --> 00:14:37,775
Lie down, and have a good cry
on my bed?

335
00:14:37,776 --> 00:14:41,679
God knows,
it's used to tears.

336
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,281
Both sides, peg.

337
00:14:47,786 --> 00:14:49,787
I'm in big trouble, al.

338
00:14:49,788 --> 00:14:52,122
She'll never know
it was you.

339
00:14:52,123 --> 00:14:54,257
Steve,
they left a clue.

340
00:14:54,258 --> 00:14:55,759
I found a hair.

341
00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:57,761
It's just like
a fingerprint.

342
00:14:57,762 --> 00:14:59,262
No two are alike.

343
00:14:59,263 --> 00:15:00,764
We'll find him.

344
00:15:00,765 --> 00:15:02,265
We'll find him.

345
00:15:02,266 --> 00:15:03,433
Oh, yeah.

346
00:15:06,237 --> 00:15:09,139
I got to get
that doll back, al.

347
00:15:09,140 --> 00:15:12,142
I'm going to call the guy
we sold it to.

348
00:15:12,143 --> 00:15:14,678
Remember, kel--
"quoth the raven...

349
00:15:14,679 --> 00:15:16,113
You rang?"

350
00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:21,251
Dad, you know, I haven't given
this baseball card thing

351
00:15:21,252 --> 00:15:22,720
A fair chance,

352
00:15:22,721 --> 00:15:25,122
So I'll have my friend teddy
come over and check it out.

353
00:15:25,123 --> 00:15:26,624
Go ahead, bud.
That's what they're here for.

354
00:15:29,093 --> 00:15:31,428
Like hell.
Get your own hobby.

355
00:15:31,429 --> 00:15:32,530
Al,

356
00:15:32,531 --> 00:15:34,665
The store was robbed.

357
00:15:34,666 --> 00:15:37,635
Barbie's gone,
and I'm a dead man.

358
00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:38,869
Oh, well.

359
00:15:38,870 --> 00:15:40,871
Here's a question
for you--

360
00:15:40,872 --> 00:15:45,142
In 1966, which cub
had a 28-game hitting streak?

361
00:15:45,143 --> 00:15:46,577
Al, don't you understand?

362
00:15:46,578 --> 00:15:49,580
If I don't get
marcie's doll back, I--

363
00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:50,881
28 games?

364
00:15:50,882 --> 00:15:52,049
'66?

365
00:15:52,050 --> 00:15:53,216
Billy williams.

366
00:15:53,217 --> 00:15:54,451
Ron santo.

367
00:15:54,452 --> 00:15:57,254
I was going to say
ron santo! Damn!

368
00:15:57,255 --> 00:15:58,822
Anyhow,

369
00:15:58,823 --> 00:16:01,058
The way I figure it,

370
00:16:01,059 --> 00:16:02,560
Somebody
from the neighborhood

371
00:16:02,561 --> 00:16:04,061
Broke into that store,

372
00:16:04,062 --> 00:16:08,065
Which means that barbie is
probably still in the area.

373
00:16:08,066 --> 00:16:09,132
Steve, you're not telling me

374
00:16:09,133 --> 00:16:10,267
That we're going to
comb the streets

375
00:16:10,268 --> 00:16:11,401
Looking for a stupid
barbie doll?

376
00:16:20,311 --> 00:16:22,813
[♪]

377
00:18:14,859 --> 00:18:17,861
Well, some of
my teeth are loose,

378
00:18:17,862 --> 00:18:19,563
But we got her.

379
00:18:19,564 --> 00:18:21,264
Oh, steve.

380
00:18:23,802 --> 00:18:26,170
That's not my barbie.

381
00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:28,972
My barbie has a little
crescent-shaped cut

382
00:18:28,973 --> 00:18:30,473
On heel
of her left foot.

383
00:18:30,474 --> 00:18:33,977
She got it jogging
on the beach with ken.

384
00:18:33,978 --> 00:18:35,779
You don't love me!

385
00:18:39,617 --> 00:18:43,453
Al, those motorcycle
guys hurt me.

386
00:18:46,157 --> 00:18:47,624
I know they did.

387
00:18:50,661 --> 00:18:52,830
[♪]

388
00:21:19,677 --> 00:21:22,212
Steve, you're the most
wonderful husband

389
00:21:22,213 --> 00:21:23,580
In the whole, wide world.

390
00:21:27,151 --> 00:21:28,485
Let's go home.

391
00:21:30,021 --> 00:21:33,190
Marcie, I think
I need a dentist.

392
00:21:33,191 --> 00:21:34,624
I'm seriously hurt here.

393
00:21:34,625 --> 00:21:36,626
Thank god
you're all right.

394
00:21:36,627 --> 00:21:37,794
What say tomorrow

395
00:21:37,795 --> 00:21:40,130
We dress you
in your red linen suit

396
00:21:40,131 --> 00:21:41,631
For the busy gal?

397
00:21:41,632 --> 00:21:43,133
Speaking of red,

398
00:21:43,134 --> 00:21:45,535
I'm bleeding
internally here.

399
00:21:45,536 --> 00:21:46,904
I'm so glad you're okay.

400
00:21:50,275 --> 00:21:52,842
I don't think they should
have children, al.

401
00:21:54,645 --> 00:21:56,846
I don't think
anybody should.

402
00:22:00,651 --> 00:22:04,521
Mom, dad, tomorrow
I'm turning in my report

403
00:22:04,522 --> 00:22:06,156
On poe's
"the raven family,"

404
00:22:06,157 --> 00:22:09,126
Featuring morticia,
gomez, and thing,

405
00:22:09,127 --> 00:22:12,129
But I've been working
really hard on this,

406
00:22:12,130 --> 00:22:16,366
So let's say that if I get an a,
can I get my own car?

407
00:22:20,604 --> 00:22:22,439
Any kind you want,
sweetheart.

408
00:22:41,759 --> 00:22:43,860
[♪]